“True refinement seeks simplicity.” -Bruce Lee

As we reflect on this year so far and how we want to go into the summertime with another baby only weeks away, we want to focus on simplicity. We want to focus on things that sustain us and make us feel like our best selves.

Naturally, as life goes, we overbook, over-plan, and overwhelm ourselves and wish that we would’ve given ourselves some buffer room to, well… enjoy life? 

So how does one zero in on this deeply difficult and seemingly impossible task? 

And ladies and gentleman, that brings us to our word of the month: refine. 

Refining is the subtle, quiet internal nudge of noticing what feels off in your life, then gently adjusting to what feels right–a sort process of phycological chiropractics.

We do this by trying to notice the patterns of our days and ask: 

What could be easier? More intentional? Smoother? Joyful? What makes me feel the most ‘me’? 

And there are plenty of ways that this can reflect in your life! It could be anything from adjusting your morning routine to reflect how you actually want to feel–instead of hitting snooze 7 times (guilty) and rushing yourself to get ready, while having absolutely zero time to A) enjoy yourself, B) eat a healthy breakfast, and C) literally just exist without overstimulation.

Whenever we notice these unhealthy, frustrating patterns forming, we know it is time for a change. And whenever we refine our routines, I feel like my days are longer, and I actually get to have the time to enjoy myself and become a person in the morning! It’s a process, and these patterns are bound to creep back in every now and then (thus is life as a parent), but being on the lookout for them can keep them from becoming a habit.

Another way you can refine your life is by (drumroll please) refreshing your absurdly busy calendar! I know, profound, right? But really–most of our calendars are overflowing with things that we might want to do, but we cannot do without feeling completely drained to the bone.

It is so much healthier (and more enjoyable!) to show up and be fully present with the few things you really need to do, and either reschedule or cancel some of the things that you can let go of doing. Watch the bricks leave your shoulders and you will feel instantly lighter and more present!

I try to remind myself: there is only so much you can realistically obligate yourself to do.

Now, these patterns are sometimes very simple and occasionally very real issues swayed by life’s unpredictability and effected by a myriad of big things–family, kids, work, unexpected emergencies, anxiety, depression, etc. It’s important to pay attention to these patterns and to understand what drives them. Are they signs of bigger issues, or are they just a funk caused by the natural rhythm of life?

The answer to that question should direct how you refine. Sometimes that looks like asking your spouse to take over dinner duties so you can take a hot shower and decompress. Some days, it means taking a vacation day on a Friday so you can get one extra day away from the stress of work. Other times, it means turning off your phone at 8 and just disconnecting.

And, of course, there are moments when deeper refinement is needed–therapy, medication, or even shifts in your nutritional habits. While we have had to take steps in some of those areas ourselves, we’re not experts on any of those processes–we’re observers of the frivolous, not life coaches.

And for the moments when frivolous refinement is needed, we continue to notice that the simplest changes yield wonderful results! The key is making subtle shifts to your most natural routines as a way to shake yourself out of rut and help your mind create a new path–even in the smallest neural pathways.

You won’t believe this, but on average, people pick up their phones between 150 and 200 times a day (different studies show different numbers, but this is the general range), so it’s easy to see how your phone–and even it’s appearance–is heavily connected to our patterns. Sometimes the small refinement you need is to turn off some notifications in your settings, change where your phone lays at night, or even update your phone case!

Again, it’s a small change, but it can be a shift that helps with bigger changes, marks the beginning of a process (which is shown to help people follow through on changes), or that simply sparks joy when you really need it. When we think of changing things up with a new purchase, we often automatically think we must spend $200+ at TJ Maxx or Homegoods–but you don’t have to do this to have a refined closet or space. A $30 phone case or a print off of Etsy to change the art on a gallery wall can go a long way!

However, adding and replacing is not always the refinement you need–sometimes you just need to edit what you already have. You can do so much with removing and readjusting and repurposing different items in your house and your closet.

Similar to observing your life habits, you can find out so much by simply walking through each room, analyzing (placing your hand on your chin in deep thought), and visualizing the refinements you can make! Have fun with it! It’s not permanent, it’s just a lil’ mix up that spruces up your space or your closet.

To “refine” is to come closer to your true essence. It’s not always anything dramatic–it’s subtle changes and updates that elevate your mood and your life. It’s choosing to live in alignment with yourself and how you truly feel over obligation. For you to live beautifully, inside and out–not simply just in how your space looks, but in how your day feels!